Hog Roast - Hey Mister what made that Hole?

When I received the booking to cook a hog roast at the White hart at Stopham Bridge in West Sussex, I was more than happy. This pub is set in an idyllic location on the banks of the River Arun near Pulborough. We were to provide the food at an evening of '60s tribute acts in aid of The Chestnut Tree Children's Hospice.

Our hog roasts are cooked over  real wood charcoal (as opposed to the rubbish you buy in supermarkets). The process takes several hours.

With only a couple of minor hiccups during the day "Percy" as we called him was cooking away quite nicely apart from one thing. For some reason his anus had become distended and was now the size of a pocket on a snooker table.

This provoked ribald and may I say, quite tasteless, comments from passing musicians and my colleague.

However when a family of three arrived to look at the pig cooking, the young son, aged about six, was bursting to ask a question - and there was only ever going to be one topic. His parents tried in vane to deflect him "can't you see the man is busy". Finaly the question burst out, "Mister", the young lad said, "did you make that hole in the pigs bottom when you shot him or did you do it with a knife?"

By the way the pig was delicious!